MAN ON FIRE

There really isn't a caption neccessary, is there?

While I find it hard to believe that it's 11 in the morning, bottom line is Kyle Orton has it figured out. He doesn't give a shit.

Not giving a shit is so critical in life. And by "life" we mean "Scum Bunching."

Orton is an NFL quarterback. Yet here he is Cougarizing, chasing glugs of Jack with a can of Coke, as well as scoring a cheap side-boob feel with his right thumb.

The beard sucks though.

Here's the entire blog item from Deadspin (including a bonus picture).

DON'T FIGHT THAT FEELIN'

Patrick Bateman always exuded confidence, and rarely questioned his methods.

As a true, veteran Scum Buncher, you might ask yourself from time to time, "Am I a total sociopath?" This is a perfectly natural response to several consecutive weekends of hard-nosed scum bunching. And listen, the answer to this question is: probably not. The odds are against it. The worst thing you can do when doubts begin to creep into your mind is hole yourself up in your apartment for a weekend. A better question to ask is this:

What happens when we fall off a Moose?

Answer: We get back on.

And we wear this T-shirt.


One of your Scum Bunch pledge brothers was dying for a Jessica Alba
jpeg. Alba is also tentatively scheduled to appear at a Scum Bunchin' Charity Function in the not-too-distant future.


So is this Laguna Beach hosebag.


"I have to return some videotapes."

1ST ANNUAL SCUM BUNCHIN' CHARITY LUNCHEON

Orlaith McAllister (nsfw) will be one of many celebrity guests scheduled to appear at the 1st Annual Scum Bunchin' Charity Luncheon. Hopefully, she will be drunk and tolerant of young Scum Bunchers trying to get angles for a cheap peek like this one.

Mark your calendars. April 22nd. 2:30pm. At Ditka's. (This is Mike Ditka, the guy who owns the place.)

SCUM BUNCHIN' 101

Vocabulary Review:

Petting Zoo - an extreme, and generally ineffective level of Creep Game associated with Scum Bunching, usually referring to grabbing, fondling, and other overly-physical interaction with Scum Bunch prey. However, being able to close a deal during Petting Zoo hours is a clear indication of a highly-advanced Scum Buncher. "Oh, man, the Petting Zoo is open tonight--Craig can't get his hands off that bitch."

SCUM BUNCH MOVE OF THE WEEK

This past weekend a pledge hooked up with a black chick at a Wrigleyville bar. He then went to a house party with the black chick, invited another college girl over to the same party, and, when she arrived, he scored a cheap feel with her in a random bedroom. He then walked out of the bedroom like nothing had happened, and took the black chick into a utility closet and made out with her.

This is a pledge who's got a lot of raw talent. It's really unfortunate that every time he does scumthing good, he negates it by insulting the Scum Bunch and mocking its seriousness and integrity.

NON SCUM BUNCH MOVE OF THE WEEK

The Chairman bungled a threesome opportunity. He bungled another Scum Bunch Move the next night, letting another girl get in the way of would-be sure thing hook up with a tattooed single mom from Rockford.

KNOW YOUR SCUM BUNCH BRETHREN

Is there such a thing as too much Scum Bunching? The answer, unfortunately, is yes. Bob Crane was proof of that. Now, should you ever, ever, allow yourself to believe this? Hell no. Certainly not when Scum Bunching your ass off at a place like Shenanigans.


Solid frat. Everybody get their muthafuckin' Bunch on, what?!?


Here is Bobby Jenks at Reserve. You can tell by the hand placement that Jenks is an old-tyme Buncher, who believes in old-tyme Bunch values like closing deals early and potentially multiple times in one night. This picture was provided by the ladies at On the DL, who have kindly posted a link to our sister blogs CUBDUMB and Hot Pipes Online.

SCUM BUNCH MOVE OF THE WEEK

One of your pledge brothers was going home alone last Sunday morning when he decided to make scumthing happen. He woke a girl up around 3:51am and made her walk over to his place, then texted the news to me after his successful Bunch move. Excellent work.

NON SCUM BUNCH MOVE OF THE WEEK

Whining. Another one of your pledge brothers (take a wild guess who) said this to me over the phone: "You know what's hilarious, I'm the biggest ass man out of all of our friends and I'm not even an official Scum Bunch member yet."

Bitching about your position in the Bunch only hurts you. Remember this.