1ST ANNUAL SCUM BUNCHIN' CHARITY LUNCHEON

Orlaith McAllister (nsfw) will be one of many celebrity guests scheduled to appear at the 1st Annual Scum Bunchin' Charity Luncheon. Hopefully, she will be drunk and tolerant of young Scum Bunchers trying to get angles for a cheap peek like this one.

Mark your calendars. April 22nd. 2:30pm. At Ditka's. (This is Mike Ditka, the guy who owns the place.)

SCUM BUNCHIN' 101

Vocabulary Review:

Petting Zoo - an extreme, and generally ineffective level of Creep Game associated with Scum Bunching, usually referring to grabbing, fondling, and other overly-physical interaction with Scum Bunch prey. However, being able to close a deal during Petting Zoo hours is a clear indication of a highly-advanced Scum Buncher. "Oh, man, the Petting Zoo is open tonight--Craig can't get his hands off that bitch."

SCUM BUNCH MOVE OF THE WEEK

This past weekend a pledge hooked up with a black chick at a Wrigleyville bar. He then went to a house party with the black chick, invited another college girl over to the same party, and, when she arrived, he scored a cheap feel with her in a random bedroom. He then walked out of the bedroom like nothing had happened, and took the black chick into a utility closet and made out with her.

This is a pledge who's got a lot of raw talent. It's really unfortunate that every time he does scumthing good, he negates it by insulting the Scum Bunch and mocking its seriousness and integrity.

NON SCUM BUNCH MOVE OF THE WEEK

The Chairman bungled a threesome opportunity. He bungled another Scum Bunch Move the next night, letting another girl get in the way of would-be sure thing hook up with a tattooed single mom from Rockford.